When you’re trying to quit using, everything can seem against you.
Everyone can seem like they’re fighting against you when in reality they’re trying to help you.
On your road to recovery, the process can seem like everyone is pushing you away and trying to hurt you, but the moment you realize that’s only the drug talking for you, you’ll be more willing to listen to what they’re saying instead of just hearing them.
By the way, the difference between thinking everyone is against you and understanding they’re only trying to help is called the difference between a victim and someone who’s ready to quit using. 🙂
Now, don’t go getting offended on me. I was a victim at one point too. A foolish victim who thought everyone else was doing me an injustice by telling me how bad I’d screwed up and had to change or else. You know… or else… Something.
Anywho, we take these as threats instead of what they’re meant to be. When someone says “You’d better not ever blah blah blah…” I usually turn around and do it to spite them. Totally childish and I don’t recommend it at all. But that’s how I view it when they get all threaten-y. It took me literally an entire year to understand they weren’t trying to threaten they were trying to guide me down the right path. It was unfair for me to spite them because they were only doing the best they could to form the right words to tell me they loved me and needed me to stop what I was doing for my sake and theirs.
Believe it or not, your family and friends suffer worse than you do when you use drugs. It’s a constant never ending cycle of evil that plagues them at all times worrying about you and wondering if you OD’d or not. I knew a man who checked the obituary every day because he wasn’t sure if his friend had gone over the edge or not and wasn’t ready to talk to him.
The hardest part about being the family member or friend of a drug addict is coping with the fact that you have to wait on them to be ready for you to come around to help them. Then, hopefully it’s not too late for either of you. Some people will stand by your side for years and years to come; pushing you to better yourself every step of the way… Others will leave you the moment they find you in a struggle. Those are called Fair Weather Friends.
Deciphering who’s a good friend and who’s got to go is hard sometimes. The worst friends can stick by your side EVERY MOMENT of your life but only lead you to be bad. The best of friends can leave you when they see you making bad decisions, but come back around when they are ready to help you.
Remember that it’s not all about poor pitiful you. Sorry, not sorry. Your friends and family feel betrayed by your actions. Some of the thoughts running through their head might include: “Why would they do this to themselves? Don’t they know we care about them?” “I can’t believe my best friend would leave me to go dope up all the time, was I just too boring for them?” “I’ve never used drugs before, how am I supposed to help them out of this?”
Your friends and your family are struggling just as much as you are. But theirs is all internal. When you love a drug addict, you’re mentally being abused every day by the thoughts that run through your head. What if they fell asleep at the wheel while they were coning home? What if they got caught? How long will I be without my friend/family member if they go to jail over this? Why did they do this?
Believe me when I say I don’t want to lay the guilt trip on you. The guilt trip sucks and I’m sure enough people give that to you every day. What you need to understand is you aren’t the only one who’s effected by this. If you’re one of those people saying “Ugh, I know, I know.” You’re the type of person who’s hearing me and not listening to me.
Take these words in and soak them up. Reread it four or fifty times if that’s what it takes!!!
As an addict in recovery for the last two years that I’ve managed to stay sober, I’d suffice to say I know the difference between hearing and listening. I used to have to force myself to listen to people speak because I honestly wasn’t interested in what they had to say.
Back when I was first trying to recover, I used to search on Google “How to quit using for good” or something general like that.
I came across many great and helpful things… that I never retained because It just wasn’t important enough I suppose. I just scrolled through trying to find the quick and easy way to running from my problem, and when I didn’t find it (which I NEVER did) I would go back and click on the next link.
It seemed like a reasonable solution to ignore it and move on.
Except the days became months and it ate away at me like acid.
So I thought about going to meetings. GAG. Look, as nice as I can be to everyone around me and as much as I love you all, I sincerely hate being in groups. Like I’m an extra independent woman who doesn’t like being around people. That’s just me though. If you’re the type of person who does well in group projects, get your ass to a meeting TODAY.
I won’t lie, I went to one meeting and I felt so uncomfortable that I was about to throw up the whole time. It was terrible. But that was only my experience.
If you need more of a one-on-one thing, find a sponsor! You can contact me on here any time, but finding one closer to you would be a great way to go so you can have face to face interaction and be able to put an emotional connection between the two of you.
So my point today is the difference between a drug addict and a recovering drug addict is someone who wants to change, not just for show but to actually make their life better. If that’s you, don’t be scared to shoot me an e-mail and we can definitely talk. ♥
Love you all so much! Congratulations on taking the initiative to becoming sober. It might not be parties every week kind of fun, but it’s life altering fun. And what more could you need?
The answer is nothing…☺☺☺