Welcome back to Quit The Drug. I know it’s been a while since I posted, but not to worry, I didn’t relapse or anything, just got pregnant, had a baby and have been living a merry little life.
I got notification that a few new people are following my blog and I felt like it was the right thing to do to continue to give hope to those who feel like nothing is worth fighting for.
In about 1 month, I’ll be hitting my 3rd year sober quitting cold turkey off meth. Woohoo!
For those of you just tuning in that haven’t read past postings of mine, Hi, my name’s Breanna, I am a recovering Addict. I don’t want to take too much of your time explaining who I am and my whole backstory. You can find that here: Backstory & Stuff
Now, today I want to tell y’all about something I feel slightly embarrassed not knowing 21 years of my life… I have ADHD. I can hear your eyes rolling. Let me explain.
I always knew my mind ran a little faster than most, I knew I had crazy impulses and I knew I was sort of erratic half the time. I knew I had the symptoms, hell half my family suffers from ADHD. I knew I had these issues, I knew what ADHD was, I just didn’t think I was suffering from it.
Hell, I felt fine. I just felt a little crazy sometimes, but I know I’m crazy.
So I lived with my ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc. for the better part of 18 years and then I picked up my drug habit. Well, as we all know, traditional ADHD meds (adderol) contain amphetamines, reverse psychology and all. Fast makes fast go slow and slow makes fast go fast? I don’t know. At any rate, my drug use of amphetamines only amplified my issues. So From age 19-22 I’ve been struggling to keep my head on straight, remember things, and not fly off the hinge 24/7.
Considering all things, I am also a bit (lot) bi-polar. But that’s a talk for another day.
About 3 months ago, my brother looks at me and says “I knew you had it all along, I just didn’t want to tell you so you wouldn’t have an excuse to get back on that stuff.”
Explosions were going off in my head. He knew!? Why didn’t he tell me? Well, duh he just told me why he didn’t tell me. And he was exactly right in doing so. Unlike most drug users, I have an iron clad will. Thanks mom & dad. But the point is, my ADHD should’ve given me every excuse and reason to fail. Even if I didn’t know it at the time. Especially because I didn’t know it at the time.
I chose to stop. I chose to quit. I chose to straighten my life out, whether I wanted to or not.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand a lot of my circumstances are not similar of those you might have. I have three loving parents. I have two loving siblings. I have one amazing supportive husband. And last but not least, I have two beautiful reasons to wake up and know quitting drugs was the best decision I ever made.
I know that reading success stories gets boring. “Whoopty-fucking-doo, you made it and I’m still an addict.” I feel like that was my thoughts when reading about other’s happiness. “Good for you, now what about us?” I would find myself thinking this daily.
So, what about you? You have heard it a million times, you know what I’m about to say, so let’s just get this over with. You have to want to change in order for this to make sense.
There, I said it. The most cliche (but truthful), annoying, over used sentence in all of “how to get sober” google searches of all time.
I feel like I’m turning into a combined hilarious singular form of my mother and father. I hear SOOOO much of what they used to say to me in things I’m telling you.
So here’s my tough love for the day in case nobody has told you anything… put your big kid panties on, put down the drugs and MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR YOURSELF!!!
I say this with absolute love for y’all. Coddling you through this intensely difficult time isn’t going to fucking work.
Well, it’s been great writing for y’all again. But I hear a little one crying needing his bottle ♥
Pro-tip: Find your reason to live and HOLD ON TO IT.
Have a beautiful morning and rest of your day ♥